The Johnathan Leftwinger MP (and brother)

 

 

               

 

Carrying On The Role Of Majestic Troublemaking Where George Galloway Left Off…………

 

 

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MATURITY NOTICE: This website is pitched at a sophisticated socio-political level, interwoven within it a series of complex and often pioneering politico-scientific theorum, intellectual debate and forward looking lectures. As a result, immature or unsophisticated children are not advised to read the data contained therein…..

 

What am I saying? Come on in and learn the correct things to think and do before the prejudiced Forces of Conservatism eat away at you by your adulthood!!!

 

 

Also see THE DUSTPILE on Youtube for further Red ‘lunacy’!

 

Plus, keep an eye on http://www.dustybin.org.uk  for the upcoming page of BERTRAND RIGHTWINGER, potential Tory MP!

 

 

 

 

NEW ADDITIONS TO THE LEFT WING INFORMATION ARSENAL:

 

 

 

LEFT WING SH*T TM  - THE RESSURRECTION!

 

Now that Labour needs a new leader (but only because the bigots had it in for poor innocent Gordon), we must get behind the new, youthful Milliband boys.

 

Only one of them can win, but because both are pure New Labour you know you can’t lose whichever ones you pick! And they must be the best because even other Labour monoliths haven’t dared put their names up now they know the Millies are in the race!

 

Just consider what’s needed to be the supreme de-facto boss of the nation’s ‘obnoxious’ Lefties! If they have at least some of these unique Labour qualities then they have my total backing! The nation needs nothing less!

 

So let’s hurry and get our new leader installed and then elected as the next Prime Minister! Labour BELONGS in power, as our constant attempts at gerrymandering and ballot management only proved!

 

 

 

‘Course, any bright new Red visionary will have a tough act to follow. Blair and Brown took what they did to the country to the extreme and it will take someone with ultimate dedication to top that! Let’s only hope the nation doesn’t buckle even further under the weight of future Labour achievement!

 

From knighting Simon Cowell to cleverly leaving a ticking tax bombshell to blow up in David Cameron’s face, plus the grand gesture of opening the immigration floodgates without worry for consequences in a blow for Diversity, you can only marvel at what our next top boss will get up to to beat that!

 

INDEED, IF SUCH A MAN CAN GO ONE BETTER THAN PUTTING THE NATION IN A POSITION WHERE THE EU CAN DECIDE TO PROCTOR OUR ECONOMIC POLICY BEFORE IT GETS THE GO-AHEAD, THEN I’LL BE PROUD TO GIVE HIM MY ENTIRE COLLECTION OF RARE FRENCH CHILD PORN (ie ART) IN TRIBUTE! VOTE LABOUR!

 

 

 

 

GO-GO BROWN STUFF!

As a hung parliament resulted from the General Election, let a party of experience run the nation again - even if it is from a position of a minority government!

(We in the Left live for minority causes after all mate, so what better than ours?!)

 

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Gordon Brown’s still judiciously in Downing Street as Prime Minster, even though he ‘lost’ the election! THAT’S WHAT I CALL EQUALITY IN MODERN DEMOCRACY – The ‘underdog’ getting his bone in a fair and open 21st Century society! AND THAT’S ALL LABOUR’S LEGACY!!!

 

PATHETIC Cameron and his PATHETIC Conservatives only gained 306 seats compared to our 258! That’s PATHETIC, as the number falls way short of the 326 seats needed to form that magic 51% majority in the Commons! Not very popular is he?

 

So now it’s time for more quality Red power-eaters to pre-empt the Tories! Let us create a union of like-minded parties to help snatch our crown back from the Blue Rinse gutter!

 

 As our wise powerbroker Peter Mandelson says, IT’S NOW ONCE AGAIN UP TO LABOUR TO LEAD THE NATION THROUGH THIS TORY-CREATED SHAMBLES! Yea, Constitutional rules say that in this kind of event the sitting government can have first refusal at establishing a coalition to run the nation.

 

I know the Public didn’t vote for that, BUT IT’S DEMOCRACY YOU BIGOTS! So let’s see what a coalition with the Lib Dems would give us:

 

 

 

A nice minority government in which a gaggle of parties would democratically club together to democratically seize the balance of power to democratically hamstring an extremist Tory administration.

 

* Just like us they want full immersion into a fully-fledged European Federal ‘Bastardstate’. TOGETHER WE CAN DO IT FASTER!

 

* Just like us they want more misunderstood violent felons released early from jail (or not put there at all). TOGETHER WE CAN HAVE MORE PROCESSED, AND FASTER!

 

* Just like us they want to ramp up tax and foist more beautiful political correctness and… oh God! Those thoughts are so juicy!

 

DO YOU REALLY WANT THE HATEFUL TORIES TO CONFISCATE SUCH FUTURISTIC VISIONS FROM THE NATION?! The FULL ACHIEVEMENT of Left Wing Sh*tTM should not be wasted!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


For previous on this exciting chapter in Left Wing political history, check out MORE SOCIAL STUDIES for the back catalogue!

 

 

 

AND TO THINK YOU WANTED TO SLING OUT GOLDEN GORDON!

 Just sit back and enjoy the Left Wing smoke and mirrors trick!

 

 

 

 

 

PICK OF THE LABOUR STATE ARCHIVE ARCHIVE

 

..with the Cunstituency Office-boy.

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Labour’s unassailable record of nation-building will be wrecked by the Tories. To prove it, let’s go back to the past and see what the future holds under Tory rule! (And that’s today, you must admit!!)

 

Well, memory-jogging time I think…

 

 

 

2008:

 FAR-RIGHT GUN FREAK NORMO TEBBO MIS-FIRES HIS HARD WEAPON AND BLASTS HIS AMMO POUCH! THE ONE IN HIS TROUSERS!

 (That’s good innuendo, so excuse me while I laugh at my razor wit!)

 

‘BNP’ Tory nob (there I go again!!!!!!!) Norman Tebbit has come up with his own master plan to eradicate gun crime – TO ARM EACH AND EVERY YOB AND TRAIN THEM HOW TO KILL!!!!!!!!! I mean, I mean….. that’s like letting paedophiles work in schools (actually quite a nice thing Ms. Kelly) or downgrading dangerous drugs (way to go Mr. Blunkett)!!!!! ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET DECENCY AND PEACE THAT WAY???!!!!!!

 

He’s really lost it this time, the senile old duffer! You know me, I respect my political opponents, but old Tebbit has really gone over the edge this time. Alright, there is indeed the school of thought which runs roughly along the lines that if there’s going to be any shooter-related excitement at all, then it must be controlled and strictly supervised at gun clubs and hunts, BUT THAT’S NOT THE WAY TO DEAL WITH HIGHLY EXCITABLE YOUNG KIDS, ‘JAZZED-UP’ AS THEY ARE ON TRANS-FAT JUNK FOOD AND CHEMICAL-LAIDEN SOFT DRINKS! (NOT TO MENTION THE HEADY PSYCHOTIC RAGES ENJOYED BY THE ‘CHAVS’ WHO MOVE UP TO STELLA ARTOIS!)

 

The tried and trusted way to deal with children seduced by the glamour of firearms is to tell them ‘Oooo no nono, you can’t have that, not any more! Get back to the harmless pursuits of your Grand Theft Auto Vice City computer game, followed by a huge family pack of crisps. Or, if you don’t fancy that, go outside and run aimlessly around (though don’t play any competitive games because they demoralise losers and make ‘winners’ think they’re superior)! Either that, or help Mum get the dinner ready – there’s an impressive array of knives in that kitchen you can choose from when it’s time to peel those potatoes!’

 

THAT’S THE HEALTHY WAY TO APPROACH THE PROBLEM – GIVE KIDS AN AIM IN LIFE (NO PUN INTENDED, you gun-nut FASCISTS!)! I bet irresponsible old Norm will be advocating white-water rafting and abseiling next! (Which, of course, would also be dangerous as they too break the Universe’s natural Health And Safety Laws).

 

No, the way to reform young yobs is to instill into them some good old-fashioned discipline and fear of punishment whilst, at the same time, providing good solid physical pursuits for them to engage in. Which is why we in Labour are always calling for more youth clubs run by bearded types who the kids don’t respect very much. Table Tennis and meek threats of being barred from the building if the kids misbehave is the firm hard training needed by tomorrow’s upstanding urban-decay citizens! IF WE CAN DO IT THEN SO CAN TEBBO! BUT HE’S TOO MUCH A DYED-IN-THE-WOOL YOUTH HATER FOR THAT!

 

VOTE LABOUR – Because we’ve SOLVED life’s little social problems, not that many of you can be bothered to look for the evidence! Just trust us on this, you know you can!

 

 

 

SCOURGE-OF-BRITAIN TORY ATROCITIES 1:

 

THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY IS STILL THE SLEAZY, DECEITFUL FRAUDSTERS AS EVER THEY WERE! LABOUR WERE RIGHT TO RING THE WARNING BELLS DURING THE MAJOR YEARS as Tory non-entity Derek Conway misappropriated Parliamentary allowances to pay for educating his sons.

 

In contrast to allegations of fraud made against various top Labour supremos, allegations without a shred of truth naturally, Conway has had to face the music for his real-life £77,000 swindle. He’s had to face the humiliation of apologising to Parliament and being banned from participating in the Parliamentary process for ten whole days! Not to mention having to suffer the enquiry!

 

"No judgment from any quarter could be more harsh than that which I apply to myself”, he said, in common with any other self-pitying criminal. But still, what do you expect from a grubby little party who sold out their principles and morality many years ago? Power For Power’s Sake, that’s them and just look where it got them!

 

VOTE LABOUR – marking the difference between Left and Right!

 

SCOURGE-OF-BRITAIN TORY ATROCITIES 2:

 

Well well well mate! It seems that a councillor representing that racist party of Enoch Powell has had his hide saved… by the kind of ‘darkies’ which the old ‘Rivers Of Blood’ fascist railed against back in 1968!!           

 

Muslims from a Reading mosque closed ranks and refused give evidence in court after community leader Saeed Iqbal bashed up racist agitator Wazir Hussain. Thus, thankfully, the assault charges were dropped and Islamic life in the town can continue as usual.

 

What a brew-ha-ha there would have been had the noble Muslims decided to air their dirty washing in public. Washing, of course, which is of no interest to anybody but the parties concerned and which would only have dented Public/Bigot confidence in more adherents of the Religion Of Peace! What a field day we could have had in the Left, goading the Conservative Party for their own racism. It usually is racism, come on!

 

But whatever the weather, this still proves that the Tories are still the Nasty Party, deserving of all the ‘harassment’ they claim to receive from all those non-Tories who have stayed faithful to their own culture, races and beliefs!

 

VOTE LABOUR! THE CONSERVATIVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED WITH THE NATION!

 

 

 

 

 

SECTIONS

SOCIAL STUDIES

 

Britain and its noble people are worth fighting for. Don’t let the Public spoil it for us!

 

 

MORE SOCIAL STUDIES

 

Additional Red casework for any serious scholar of the mentality of life here in the Westminster Bubble, pure as it is in its isolation from the barbaric outside world!

 

JOHNATHAN’S TRIAL OF THE CENTURY

 

Even people in Labour can be in the wrong sometimes!

(Well, libelled by the bigoted press and slandered by a hateful Public). It can happen to any of us!

 

 

RECORD RACK

 

Catch up on your Left-related concept listening.

 

 

WISDOM DISPENSARY

 

All the education you’ll ever need under one cyber-roof!

 

 

PAGE FOR THE UNDERAGE

 

 The young people are the future. Make sure you get at them in order to ensure they can create a future fit for us!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LABOUR - The natural party of so-called TREASON:

 

You’ve just got to learn to see that one entire Public’s destruction of the nation is the other person from Labour’s bright new rebuilding of a morally bankrupt racist state!

YouTube- POLITICALLY CORRECT LIBERAL-LEFT SH*T promo film

 

 

 

ABOUT THIS GLORIOUS RED-FRIENDLY WEB ENCYCLOPAEDIA:

 

THINGS HAVE ONLY GOTTEN BETTER UNDER LABOUR, especially for feral youths, bent company directors, megalomaniacal Muslims, bogus asylum seekers, Communist Party members, treasonous government ministers, politically correct baby-killing jobsworths, traitorous union bosses or insane and greedy politicians.

 

It's just a pity that ordinary decent normal people feel more of a pinch, but hey, you can't hope to please everybody in this little old country. You've just got to be reasonable.

 

REMEMBER THE OPTIMISM OF 1997 AND VOTE LABOUR AGAIN! We've been just the same as we've always been since then, so why have you bigoted Public gits changed your tunes about us all of a sudden?!

 

Turds!

 

 

 

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LABOUR POLICY WATCH!   Embarassment, or invaluable guide to the greatest political literature of our times? WE DECIDE!

 

VOTE LABOUR – The SOLE mainstream party to be directly refined from pure Red raw materials! (ignore all imposters!)

 

Catalogue of crime? Pfft! And anyway, Tories are on there as well, which means that if they do naughty things too, then it’s all alright! That’s what we say! (But still, there’s even Tory crime we Reds actually revere – ‘TREASON’ for the good of the nation!)

 

CHEER ON THE LABOUR ‘POLICE STATE’! After all, it’s the only way to be TOUGH ON CRIME AND TOUGH ON THE CAUSES OF CRIME!!!

 

The Public are a bunch of F*****G C**TS who need to be KEPT IN THEIR PLACE! It’s being HARD BUT FAIR! VOTE LABOUR! After all, guilty or ‘innocent’, they’re all as bad as each other!!

 

How DARE you slam New Labour as incompetent! Just because you don’t want what we want, you have to insult as inept! Even journalistic pseudo-fascists aren’t as childish as you in the Public!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

DO YOU LIKE ME? ….er, DO YOU, LIKE ME, RUN OUT OF AD-HOMINEM SMEARS WHEN IN THE MIDDLE OF A SNOOTY, SELF-RIGHTEOUS SCREAMING DIATRIBE, er, DEBATE WITH A BIGOT? Well, this handy online book of often tenuously construed offensive language explains how users of even the most innocuous descriptions of me can now be slammed as a filthy white supremacist BNP person! (This is a MUST for all schools mate!) They’ll never call the likes of I ‘uppity’ ever again without falling foul of the race relations board from now on!!!!!!!

 

What the time is NOW in Britain’s best example of a multicultural mix! (Pity I live mostly in the fields of Shropshire, away from all that loveliness I claim to be a part of!)

 

QUALITY RED BACKLASH SPOT! A premier ex-Communist (like myself) lambasts Gordon Brown’s patriotic lip-service. Even if he doesn’t mean a word of it, Golden Gordon can’t even SEEM racist either!

 

 

SUPPLEMENTARY INFORMATION, to increase your knowledge of the wise doings of NuLab:

 

LABOUR'S POLITICALLY-CORRECT NATION-WRECKING OUTRAGE AND SCANDAL:
http://www.debatepolitics.com/europe...our-state.html (Lunatics of the New Labour state)

WHITES BASHED FREQUENTLY BUT MINORITIES OFTEN BEHAVE WORSE:
http://www.debatepolitics.com/europe...-fall-out.html (Labour's rainbow minority darlings fall out)

NEW LABOUR'S VARIOUS FAILINGS AND TREASON:
http://www.debatepolitics.com/europe...-clarkson.html (Is Gordon Brown a c-word? Absolutely, Mr. Clarkson!)

THE 'NECESSITY' OF A BLACK PRIME MINISTER DEBATED PSEUDO-'SAGELY' BY REDS:
http://www.debatepolitics.com/europe...post1058575021 (Will the [UK] ever have a black Prime Minister?)

READ, INGEST AND FEEL EVEN MORE EMBOLDENED IN YOUR QUEST TO VOTE LABOUR, NOW YOU KNOW THE DEEPER MOTIVATIONS OF REDNESS!

 

 

 

 

GIVE YOUR CHILDREN AN EDUCATION INTO WHAT IT MEANS TO BE BRITISH (UNDER NEW LABOUR)!

 

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS is the greatest pragmatic dogma ever! Its alignment with the natural laws of human nature means that it perpetuates itself, though you wouldn’t think it to see the British fail to take to it! (They’ve always been a quarrelsome bunch of misbehaving oafs!). We’ll fix ‘em, don’t worry.

 

Although Cultural Marxism is presented as somehow sinister in this film, it is nevertheless informative. Our holy new Politically Correct moral codes, which adult bigots react against, injects a sense of responsibility and revulsion into the bloodstream of our neo-youth. We’ve got them trained at least to be able to recognise how anybody thinking different to us is a racist, homophobic far-Right Tory Hitlerite who favours a race war over a class one! Some people just don’t have peace in their brains.

 

Left Wing purity has allowed Western society to be improved by having the bigotry and conservatism punished out of it. Threats of neo-Nazism and jail sentences hang over the mostly middle-class male white bigots if they dare to call for the return to their comfort zones of ‘traditional’ culture and values. (You don’t want the streets full of dead Muslims, homosexuals and marching killers of the BNP with blood on their hands??!!??!! That’s what makes people like them wrong.)

 

BE POLITICALLY CORRECT IN ALL YOUR DOINGS – It’s in the name of Equality, Diversity and Freedom that we must force people to live their lives how we want! One of those paradoxes of life, but it can’t be questioned. Not after all our efforts to ‘destroy’ existing moral frames such as Christianity for being oppressive! We’ve put all our money on this horse, which is why it just can’t be wrong!

 

So do as proper teachers do and sit your children in front of this video; as you would by constantly pausing the action to drone on and on with ‘additional’ information, only to discover the narrator says the self-same things upon resumed playback.

 

VOTE LABOUR – For the only worthwhile trip to take is a GUILT TRIP! (And an acid one, as I have often discovered since 1966!) Bathe in my history and REJOICE!

 

 

We have a COMMON PURPOSE to convert British public life to Red Supremacism without the Public getting in the way for once! And all organised in such a way that it makes any whistleblowers look like the ones who are cranky conspiracy-obsessed nuts! Ah, that’s Left Wing planning mate!

 

All Glory in the UNIVERSAL LIBERAL-LEFT MANIFESTO!

(That and Allah, obviously)

 

Well, here it is for all the budding scholars of Political Science and Philosophy – THE COMPLETE TERMINOLOGY of the neutral and unbiased Lefty Ethos Of Peace, outlining as it does the best method of  transforming the Western Hemisphere into one of tolerance, peace and equality. We must both Enlighten as well as Punish the bigots who stand in our way – how else can we have a world of free thinkers for a change??

 

 

WEBMASTER’S NOTE (I like being ‘master’ of the readers. Labour is Power, see...):

I am one, well the one, of Johnathan Leftwinger MP’s greatest admirers. In his time he has been a political Oracle, University renegade if not actually a graduate, top quality Protest Singer (against the scourge of the bigoted Public), an experienced broadcaster (who cut his teeth on the seminal student radio circuit!) and Man Of The People (when they decide to behave themselves).

 

At the moment I am concentrating on a glamourous portrait, done in oils, of our benefactor. The constituency will never be the same again since Johnathan applied his magical reformist touch! I know most people ‘round here are moaning about him and Labour, but they’ll wake up to the benefits he has brought before it’s too late. Surely, they must!

 

The portrait, of Johnathan standing in a sunlit meadow surrounded by apples, the Giver Of Life, has taken rather too long to complete. Upon seeing the preliminary sketches he decided he was depicted as too ugly. He instructed me in his manly voice that his picture could never be ugly and that a true representation of his features should be reproduced. I respectfully pointed out that it had to be one or the other, but that didn’t stop him from screaming that I was a philistine and that he didn’t deserve such shabby treatment. Of course, I wholeheartedly agree. We mustn’t trash such a noble and wise figure, only doing but his best to re-invigorate the moribund political scene.

 

However, the delay does mean that my half a million pound grant from the County Council sub-Committee For The Raising Of Awareness Of High Art will be increased for my trouble. Of course, it’s not the money. The money merely represents a tangeable measurement against which the artistic merits of the portrait and the importance of its subject are viewed. Although you cannot put a price on national treasures such as these, it’s always a good idea to try. To try to demonstrate to the Public just how actually valuable Mr. Leftwinger is, in real terms, of course. (Indeed, Leftwinger holds some sway with the Culture Secretary. He’s still got the photographs for a start, whatever that means).

 

 

 

Previous essays can be found on http://www.thelabourparty.org.uk/ page (‘An MP Writes’)

 

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Classic Quote:

“I am in the right, but not of The Right!” – Hansard; October 21, 1998

 

 

RELEVANT news to enhance your life:

20th Nov. 2006: EXCITING EXCLUSIVE – Leftwinger Portrait Coming Along Nicely!

 

It is my pride and pleasure to report to you that the picture I’m painting of our glorious MP is taking shape. According to the clock I’ve spent £310,847 of my council grant and I’ve already reached the point of the prototype! Mr. Leftwinger is very pleased at the progress.

Unfortunately, I shall run over budget and over time, but Labour are past masters at dealing with situations of this type. Indeed, Mr. Leftwinger is making a succession of telephone calls as I type, thus ensuring that money and time shall continue to flow freely until the project reaches completion.

And here is the prototype in all its glory, signed by the man himself, ready for charity auction:

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As a post-script I would just like to mention that many people (well two, but for me and my social circle that is many people) have said that Mr. Leftwinger is a megalomaniac for commissioning his own portrait. Well, I say NO!  He merely agreed to it, that’s all, which makes all the difference. Plus, it’s being done by me, an ordinary lowly person, for that common touch. He’d let a proper modern artist paint it if he was just a vain, self-serving pompous kind of person. Mind you, it will be sold by a modern artist, but that’s just for publicity. We hope to sell it to a tax-funded art gallery you know, in order to preserve the Leftwinger legacy. And it will ensure that even more millions will be taken from the Public purse and put where it belongs – the Treasury.

 

 

 

QUOTE, UNQUOTE!

 

That depends on the criminals! – Jack Straw’s reply to Ann Widdecombe when she asked him whether we could see crime falling under Labour (1998).

 

That depends on the germs!   – Johnathan Leftwinger’s reply to a constituent asking whether we could see a drop in the rising Superbug levels in British hospitals (2006). Can I come in the Cabinet now, please?

 

 

 

Johnathan Leftwinger considers himself to be the Sgt. Pepper of politicians, even Left Wing ones. So it's quite apt that he goes on this little jaunt...

 

Johnathan Leftwinger

Revises some Beatles classics.

 

Hello Public. I've just been playing my old Beatles records. That was a trip down memory lane. Those songs were the soundtrack of a generation. Somehow everyone remembers where they were the day they first heard Sgt. Pepper. I was in the Common Room debating Adam Ant's birthday.

 

Excellent as these songs were, it is time to bring them into line with 21st Century Thinking. Let's make the old standards the soundtrack for today's generation of directionless youngsters, with me, Johnathan Leftwinger, saviour of Leftist youth everywhere. I'm just that humble.

 

 

First class rocking there! I should think if Mr. McCartney himself heard these anthems when the young people sing them (as they doubtless will), I would say he'd be more than a little impressed with the quality. Which just proves it. And I am special you know. So much so I’m highly misunderstood. Indeed, when I was a boy I was nearly put in that special hospital; And I was nearly carted off again when I used to have my John Lennon primal scream sessions in the cloakroom when I used to work at that nursery. Which just proves it.

 

And because both myself and Messrs. Lennon and McCartney are all premier Lefties, I should say the blend between their world and mine has been seamless. And it all helps to wash away the guilt that any decent British person will be feeling about the Empire, which is part of the punishment for being white, fascist, boring old us. Which is all too reasonable.

 

VOTE LABOUR!

 

 

 

 

DEMOCRACY IN ACTION with Johnathan Leftwinger

 

Hello Readers. If you’re anything like me then you’ll see yourself as charming and respectable and intelligent and pure. And quite right too, you’re a credit to the Labour Movement if you’ve got those qualities. And I’m sure you’ll admire my humility in passing these compliments.

 

Check these Internet Links on the World Wide Web. You’ll find straight facts and unbiased, impartial opinions on all the things which matter to you. For example, admire the Labour rebel (why hide it when you can revel in it?!) or enjoy the soothing words of my fellow MPs when discussing your favourite views. They’re more adept at molly-coddling you lot than I am (notice more humility there).

 

You have to admit that no matter how you cut it, no matter how you argue, Labour have the last word because it’s the right word! Makes sense!

 

My Hero, well one of them.

 

 

 

MEET MY BROTHER

Says social magnate and political glabrate JOHNATHAN LEFTWINGER

 

 

 

My close relative works at the local equality department. And he has created a personalised profile of his work in a self-congratulatory web-page, as is his right. (We in Labour have learned that a truly self-congratulatory web-page is something only we can offer!)

 

Since I was elected, my brother rose through the ranks and ensconsed himself at the top position (in his cubicle). Biased folk have accused us of nepotism, but I don’t see what setting fire to things has got to do with anything! (Indeed, a Scottish Labour Lord did that to some hotel curtains last year and he’s still there! Proof indeed that eccentricity shouldn’t hold anyone back these days!)

 

Since becoming such a high-level VIP in equality circles, almost as important as me myself, he has changed his name by deed-poll; he wanted something dynamic and to escape from his ‘middle-class, cosy, Tory badminton club, old imperial school tie, Bisto slavemaster, cricket balls background’. (KUDOS ON THE SHAME MATE! WELL DONE!)

 

Together we have fought for equality and justice; me in Parliament and him in the civil service. IF ONLY BLACK AND WHITE PEOPLE GOT ON AS WELL IN BRITAIN TODAY (YES, I AM INDEED LOOKING AT YOU WHITE PEOPLE!)!

 

And here he is…