Record Rack
Gather up these listenables with your download
mechanism, drop them into your I-thing and get learned up, as well as
entertained, as you cycle through the Fulham traffic to begin another honest
hard day’s work at the Lesbian And Gay Sex
Services Outreach Office ! I know I do!
THE
BRAND NEW, HYPER-EXPENSIVE (THOSE LUCKY TAXPAYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) PUBLIC
INFORMATION SERVICE FROM MR. LEFTWINGER HIMSELF SWINGS INTO ACTION TODAY! AND
IT’S IN LOVELY FUTURISTIC DIGITAL AS WELL – TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE MATE!
“Yes,
it is I, your patron, Johnathan Leftwinger, emissary from Labour itself! And I
wish to cordially invite you to immerse yourself in another neutral and
unbiased repository of
facts and wisdom, all to guide you through your hectic lives.
FEAR
NOT! Your kind old Leftie knows exactly how to make things all better – JUST
LISTEN TO THE LECTURE WITHOUT QUESTION AND THE CORRECT METHOD OF THINKING SHALL
OPEN UP A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE ON YOUR DAMP AND DRIZZLY LIVES!
Witness
your own selfish consumerism wipe out the planet with its Global Warming and
feel deep shame in your stubborn refusal to embrace all things federally
European and thus let the sun shine again.
Whenever
you see the ‘Red Head (phones)’ sign
outside of any constituency public library, you know you can go right in and
continue your life’s education sat inside your little Indoctri-BoothTM; all thanks to somebody in Labour, and
some spare taxpayers’ cash I just happened to find all of a sudden now I want
to do something I want.
So
stop moaning about the Status Quo and join it instead! Your headaches will
disappear when you do!”
(And
by the way, I expect glowing reviews for all this hard work you know. Otherwise
I’ll jolly well not give you NEXT WEEK’S
FACT FORUM: THE EUROPEAN
It gives me great pleasure to publish these special
recordings of I, Johnathan Leftwinger MP, in debate with a member of the Public
at the hallowed Constituency Office. These were made by the member of the public
on a pocket recorder; such was the admiration he no doubt felt for me that he
naturally felt obliged to tape my priceless oration. I mean, HOW DARE HE HAVE
THE TEMERITY?! DOESN’T HE KNOW I HAVE A NO-RECORDINGS POLICY, AS WOULD ANY
DECENT, RATIONAL TOP-SHELF CELEBRITY?
I mean, who do these ‘fans’ think they are? Souvenirs
are all well and good, but only approved ones should be allowed because they
pass the censors. VOTE LABOUR!
Anyway, these priceless tapes are here for you to enjoy
in all their naked glory. At last you can learn about life’s bitter ironies
as well as ponder very
weighty insights into the ruling political system. And so whilst the only
member of the white Public who still talks to me reels under the blows of
lawsuits for invading my privacy, you can have the gaps in your life’s wisdom
finally filled. Which just proves I act
not in malice!
(And also, as a
special treat, here’s an extract from my special Keynote Speech to the
woman in the paper shop, which was BANNED by the BBC because it’s too
subversive (though Auntie says it’s too boring)! GO-GO RED BRIGADE AND PULL DOWN THE BARRIERS OF SOCIETY (though not
Labour)!)
VOTE LABOUR
– Because it’s not worth doing things
your way because they’re derisory. Simple as that, so just be humble for once
and accept it Public!
Rumours have been circulating that the Public are
having trouble with yobs and thugs. Some have been hurt or even killed whilst
taking them to task over their disruptive behaviour, though this was needless.
All people need is some instruction on the best way to handle yobs and thugs to
ensure their safety.
Young people lack respect. We should show them some,
that’s all they demand! Anything can be gained by asking them nicely, hence the
irrelevance of the confrontational attitude of those ‘have a go heroes’ who
died. Poor sad fools. They should learn from the Police Service who take it
upon themselves to be subservient even to yobs. Less gets you more, that’s what
we say in the Left!
TAKE A LISTEN TO MORE WISDOM ON THESE LOW QUALITY ‘LEFTCASTS’,
RECORDED BY JOHNATHAN HIS VERY SELF, DESPITE THE FACT HE WAS ON HOLIDAY AND
ANNOYING ALL HIS FELLOW HOTEL GUESTS WITH HIS CONSTANT TALKING INTO HIS POCKET
RECORDER AT 3 IN THE MORNING! Enlightenment never takes a vacation, even though
he does! VOTE LABOUR AND GET
LEARNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOPICS:
Some New Labour
History (the only stuff worth having, it has to be said!)
Leftwinger Out And About
(and educating the Public into the bargain!)
This Whole Referendum
Nonsense Set Straight
Moral Guidance
with Mr. Leftwinger
Time To Re-Write
History Again
Why Things Are Indeed
Right Under New Labour
I
bet you’ll not be foolish enough to doubt the likes of Labour now!
Oh yes mate, it is I, Johnathan
Attlee Lansbury Leftwinger – WITH ME, JOHNATHAN LEFTWINGER!
And
as my name confirms, I have my very moral bedrock in the sound core values of
Socialism! I’m named after Attlee, the LABOUR Prime Minister who introduced a
welfare state, educational reforms and free health service (particularly for
those with Altzheimers!). And they’re services enjoyed to this day, despite the
best efforts of the Tory bunglers to wreck them. Oh, and Lansbury, who was very
good in Murder She Wrote.
And
to commemorate Tony Blair leaving office on a superb high, with the EU
Constitution (I mean TIDYING UP EXCERCISE) treaty signed and more beleaguered
criminals being let off jail early, let us all get some extra education!
Recorded
entirely on location at the Johnathan
Leftwinger Studios, this special introductory record shall be given away free
to all newcomers from abroad. I want to show people that culture does exist here in England, despite the
Rightist Public and their BNP. After all, if all the world wants to come to
Britain then it’s our duty to welcome them and make them feel at home – even if
we have to pay for it! (But enrichment, diversity and enlightenment don’t come
cheap mate, so the Race-Riot-Whites defy the system every time!)
Hence
this political introduction to life in Britain, and by extension Labour. They
shall be warned about the Public, learn neo-modernist songs and be taken under
the wing of the most efficient political party of Britain today! And they get a
sleeve to print out (for
free at the local DHSS office)! Who could ask for more, particularly when
they’re not even having to go through the indignity of paying??!
____________________________________________________________
[PS
– This special Public
consumption version is presented here in the more generic English (because
you can hardly expect those referendum-crazy, mob justice-mad Little Englanders
to learn foreign languages, especially when you consider they’ve refused even
after our 40 year hectoring of them to do so!). You see, as they’re always
asking me where their money goes I can now show ‘em!
Art AND Leftiness fused to make the
perfect culture! VOTE LABOUR! ]
PLUS: SPECIAL STUDIO
OUT-TAKE to be enjoyed by the Party faithful! Stuff your poxy Grammar
Schools, this is elitism at its best!
GREAT
NEWS:
JOHNATHAN LEFTWINGER TRACKING AGAIN!
THE microphone
used, with no expense spared, thanks to the Public. A collectors’ item already
I suspect! >
Recording via the LABOUR PARTY
COMPUTER, usually used to mastermind the nation’s IT affairs in line with
Labour, our Red-stained moral guardian has granted you the Public a rare
glimpse into his life.
And unlike with Nixon, this
always-on fly-on-the-wall monitoring system can certainly not be guaranteed to
disillusion the voters!
LISTEN TO SOME GROUNDBREAKING KENNEDY-ESQUE INSIGHTS
NOW MATE:
A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY (AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY!!!) FROM MR.
LEFTWINGER BECKONS YOU DEEP FROM THE BOWELS OF LABOUR NOW……..
I think that it is sad that out in The Void (the ‘Public Zone’ as I call
it) there are so many good but unknown and unsigned musicians out there ready to
make their mark on the world.
In 1977 I quite understandably and quite rationally wanted to inflict
Anarchy In The UK, along with all other good people wishing to overturn the
stale status quo by vociferous or violent revolutionary action (except for the
National Front of course. They weren’t proper yobs like we were in the Trotsky
Alliance! Well, you know what I mean.).
But my age was a huge barrier because it meant that my experience of
life as it was was a handicap to my comrades. AT 32 I WAS JUST TOO OLD TO EVEN
RECORD A HIT SINGLE TO PUNISH THE BUTTON-DOWN PUBLIC, NEVER MIND INSTIGATE THE
KIND OF PEOPLES’ BRITAIN WE’RE ONLY STARTING TO DO NOW, 30 YEARS LATE!
Such a disgusting indictment of Britain there, even worse than murder or
perhaps, at a pinch, racism! God, that’s BAD then! But I am now in a position
to rectify matters. Because I now marshal the facilities of THE JOHNATHAN LEFTWINGER STUDIOS FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF
OPEN-MINDED NON-BIASED LEFTIST HUMAN PERSONS, you can rest assured that today’s crop of noisy
young champions have a better chance of usurping the so-called ‘moral fabric’
far quicker than we ever could when the high-minded straitjacket of conservative
scrupulocity strangled us all!
So I am hereby empowered to deliver this
challenge to all budding musicians of a 21st Century Ethos: SEND IN
A DEMO OF YOUR BEST PUBLIC BATTERING, DAILY MAIL SMASHING, EU LOVING AND BNP
KICKING REBELLION ANTHEM! And the best shall win a Boner-Fied Deluxe Version recording contract, paid for by
Public money (so you know the funding won’t run out).
It can be a heavy rocker to blast out at 3am on a Sunday morning. Or it
can be a techno-hardcore symphony designed to tear up all the so-called
‘rules’! Or it could just be a spoken-word piece outlining your solemn but
worthy war against the Poll Tax, in a PROPER schoolroom lesson for today’s
youth.
So get jamming with your teeth clenched
today and you could one day share the bill at the LEFTWINGER GAY AND ISLAMIC
COMMUNITY HALL with such Leftwinger-signed luminaries as THE SCREAMING AXIOMS,
THE HEY-YO DISSIN’ MA BITCH CHAVSTER POSSE, THE SENTENTIONS, THE SOCIAL VEXERS,
THE MYOPIA FIVE and THE WE KNOW BETTER THAN YOU COMMUNITY SINGERS. (Oh yes, heroes all! They didn’t do anything fascist
like kill men in tanks or threaten to drop atom bombs on innocent Soviet
civilians, but they are still the real idols to look up to and to give large
amounts of arts grants to so they can continue their valiant struggle. (That’s
why your taxes went up again last week, and very worthwhile it was too!))
I CAN ONLY TAKE
SO MUCH with Johnathan Leftwinger. Even
somebody as perfect as Mr. Leftwinger can be driven to the brink of his
patience by the ignorance and stupidity of the ordinary people!
Time to hear the latest instalment of JOHNATHAN LEFTWINGER’S CURRENT
AFFAIRS INFORMATION KIOSK!
PUBLIC INFORMATION SPEECHES by
Johnathan Leftwinger
LABOUR HAVE FULFILLED THEIR PROMISES TO BE TOUGH ON
CRIME AND TOUGH ON THE CAUSES OF CRIME! We must have done if the jails are all full.
Indeed, so successful have we been in
fighting crime that we’ve actually had to STOP criminals from being jailed and
then ACTUALLY RELEASE existing prisoners early to unclog the system!
We KNEW we could cope without extra
prisons, THE PUBLIC WERE WRONG AGAIN in their opposition to us!
Another VICTORY for Labour ways!
HEAR SOME MORE WAYS
WE CAN MAKE BRITAIN SUCCESSFUL………………………………………
JOHNATHAN
LEFTWINGER’S ‘POPULIST’ SINGLE LAUNCHED TODAY!!!!!!!!!
Hear the
exciting SOUND OF WISDOM from new political band
BACK 
BENCH
Johnathan Leftwinger MP and his closest Parliamentary
colleagues have pooled their knowledge and resources. Deciding to actually do
something in the House, they forged their alliance in the shape of the juicily
subversive and intellectually challenging socio-political combo BACK BENCH!
After years of frustration at the moribund
political atmosphere of Westminster (“They hardly took any notice of a single
word I said in there. SOME DEMOCRATIC CHAMBER, NOT FOLLOWING MY ORDERS THEY
WERE!” – Izi Wizi, fellow Back Bencher), the brave morality defenders decided
to put their message directly to the Public.
Their almost frightening ability to
consistently be in the right was honed over many years. Indeed, many members of
the Public have been shown up with panache and flair by these minstrels of
equality and justice! And they proved that they know better than even Labour
Ministers – as their many stands against Tony Blair and John Prescott (to name
but two) justly proved! Well, that’s what they get when they cross the line
between merely annoying the ordinary people and annoying other people in
Labour! There must be at least some
standards, Cabinet!
The recording session for this seminal
work was scheduled to take place in the Chamber itself, for the supreme irony and
ultimate truth-mongeriness. But as the reactionary Sergeant At Arms threw them
out after catching Leftwinger sneaking the microphones and mixer in, they had
to do it at the Johnathan Leftwinger Studios (aka Constituency Office) instead.
In this special edition of the release,
Mr. Leftwinger himself introduces the highly influential oppous in this unbroadcast Radio 1
trailer (You BASTARDS at the BBC!). Consider this to be MORALITY LECTURE IN
A SENSORILY MUSICAL MOVEMENT SYMPHONY KIND OF A MANNER, Pt. 1, in which the
ground is to be laid. Because the Public are notoriously ill at ease in the
world of facts and real life, as their behaviour constantly proves, they must
first know who the bosses are.
Take a
listen Public, if you DARE seek the truth and the light and the way; The THIRD
WAY, THE LABOUR WAY……!
MOMENTOUS
OCCASION IN THE WORLD OF WEB-CASTINGNESS!
There are moments in multimedia history which actually
help shape the direction of world events. And this is one of these moments.
For
all those who believe in Freedom and Justice, not to mention sticking two
fingers up to The Man, here is a brand new web radio thing to let the poor
oppressed peoples of the world know that they are living in a utopia.
It is indeed free!
Freer than here with the Public, Tory and BNP threats!
This
place is so so good! It has healthcare,
running water and literacy targets being met in its schools and everything!
We’d love to live there of course, but we realise our mission is to stay here
and resist the evil Forces Of Conservatism that Tony Blair was talking about.
Click
on the logo to hear THE VERY FIRST FREEDOM-CAST! We don’t pull our punches when
it comes to dealing with the REAL persons to blame for all the troubles we’ve
had, like ever mate!
EXTRA: GET WELL SOON, CASTY OLD SON!
THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR LEADERSHIP!
As a consequence, I, Johnathan Lansbury Atlee Leftwinger MP, do humbly
and respectfully dedicate this latest FREEDOM-CAST to your person.
Or your memory if you snuff it mate.
Mr. Castro, you can hear my own rousing, revolutionary words on the Bank
of England’s rising of interest rates! Love
You!
WITH GREAT DISGUST WE NOW TURN OUR PRECIOUS RESOURCES OVER TO A
CORPORATE MAGNET:
THE GLOBAL FASCIST CORPORATION ENLIGHTENMENT AND
INFO-TAINMENT SPOT
Despite all the
student-esque rantings, the GFC is a rather nice corporation and not a tatty
consumerist conformist factory of hate. Only ragbag people like that would come
out with such awful generalisations.
No no, We’re just
as free and libertarian as anyone else and our own staff are allowed to be as
free-thinking and liberal as they please (as long as it’s not on our time).
Indeed, do we or do we not fund Labour now??!!
And so in that spirit
I will now lead you on a so-called ‘far out, like, wow man’ journey into the
cosmic wonderland Magical Mystery Tour Janis Joplin, record cover with the
banana on it style of big business life. Which is all too reasonable.
That’s the thing
about hippies like the young people. They’re off on their own little
fantasyland trips, no doubt soured by all those drugs, in which our staff are
underpaid, overworked and overstressed; And our customers are ripped off and
ignored and in which Labour have sold out by us an them co-operating in all our
perfectly legitimate affairs. But that’s the ignorant world of the kids!
But they couldn’t
be more wrong! Look, I’ve just written a new anthem for them to sing around
their camp fires. It’s so educational and righteous that even their hemp-addled
brains can follow it!
I was a wayward drifter man
Until a friend of mine turned me on
To the Global Fascist, yeah!
They turned me onto something better
Than Peace And Love
They turned me on to
A well paid career with infinite promotion prospects
An index linked pension at executive level
And all you’ve got to do is follow my orders
unswervingly,
It’s not all that difficult!
That’ll go well
with any battered out of tune acoustic guitar with a big sunflower painted on
it and all the string ends sticking from the end of the neck at at least 6
inches, I have to say! So there’s no excuse.
Have some
propaganda to let you see just what kind of a man that I am………………
For
more information, here are some official Global Fascist resources: One nice docu-drama and PR pack.
Only after looking at these can a truly balanced perspective be viewed!
LEFTWINGER
AVONT-GUARD
RECORD RELEASED!
This is a remarkable fanzine EXCLUSIVE! Not only have
I been able to obtain an advance copy of Johnathan Leftwinger’s latest arts
track, but I am also able to put out the special ‘in-session’ mix, just for the
constituency party faithful!
To be
released on January 1st as a
special Labour Party New Year’s gift to the non-bigoted, this disc is the
all-insightful, all-knowing Mr. Leftwinger’s latest grand opus! It deals with
the whole false substance of popular culture, a concept never dealt with before
to our knowledge. Upon first listen any truly valuable person in an artistic
sense is bound to say ‘Oh yes, very deep, very perceptive’. On the second
listen the depths of consciousness will suddenly seem to fall away leading the
listener to an even heavier depth of inner meaning and pure soulful fullness!
And upon further playing the real heavy
stuff will grip your brain mate! Now that’s good artyness! A symphony of
multi-consciousness and spiritual peace, don’t you bloody forget.
And to put the brick on top of the cake,
the cherry on top of the chimney, I have been able to obtain the actual session
recording; that means you can hear the composition complete with Leftwinger’s
explanations of the truly remarkable and trend-setting piece to the bone-headed
engineer. (Don’t be too hard on him, he is of course a member of the Public in
his spare time!)
Isn’t it funny how Johnathan Leftwinger’s
genius expands to fill the new demands provided by an ever tougher and
spiritually demanding world? So the thing is a snip at £39.99 plus VAT! (It’s
not the money of course as he can get all he wants through taxation, but his
landlady wants the rent you see. You wouldn’t want to see the great Leftwinger
degraded by having him sleep on the floor of the constituency office and be
reduced to plugging his kettle into the electric streetlight of a morning would
you?! No, of course not, you’re only human).
Plus SPECIAL
ARTISTIC BONUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The
young people would turn their backs on CND history and underage sex if many of
us old guard Lefties didn’t keep diligently raising the subjects. That’s how
trend-setting we are, I have to say.
And so
in that spirit the inevitable influence of modern acid warehouse culture (or
whatever it’s called) coming from our groovy quarters was bound to happen
sooner or later.
And now
these rap guys can not just have additional inspiration but also a political
awakening to the fundamental intrinsic truths in life. This is because I can
now provide SAMPLES OF LEFTWINGER,
the full collection available on LEFTWINGER RECORDS (Catalogue: NOISRAEL07)!
I’ve
cut up speeches and broadcasts to give you the best in Edu-tainment and
Edu-news – something which we in the Left have honed to a fine art!
And so
now when you hook up your loops and noises you can also output these pearly
truths to a blank record, thus creating an instant complete jigsaw of modern
black culture for the white kids to feast upon; we insist upon it!
Download
the sample samples from THE
LABOUR PARTY REPOSITORY OF ALL WORTHY, NON-BIGOTED AND PARTY-FRIENDLY
MATERIALS!
So get scratchin’ mate, give us a boogying old time!
(And by the way, don’t openly promote drugs on our final mixes – that’s for
private! I mean, fair’s fair!)
_______________________________________________________________________________________
December 10th -
End-Of-Year-Festival-mas
Broadcast Ready For Public Consumption
The Queen’s Speech was one the mainstaples of December
25th Day right across Britain. At three o’clock the so-called
Monarch would witter on about what made the year good for Britain as well as
any sad events.
But now we live in a post-Royal Age, even though that
family still hang on like a bad smell; spending all our money and sitting
around Buck House lording it up, whilst we in Labour slog our guts out all day
long with not so much as a word of gratitude from anybody. It makes you despair
of Britain, it really does.
And with that fact in mind it really is worthwhile to
know that a new voice of relevance and unity can address you as you sit at the
dinner table quaffing the corpse of a poor innocent animal which has died
horrifically at the hands of a legalised murderer.
I AM PROUD TO PRESENT THE YULETIDE DISCOURSE OF
JOHNATHAN LEFTWINGER, MP. SAVOUR AND CHERISH HIS WORDS, LOVE THEM AS YOUR OWN.
HE, AFTER ALL, KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT, UNLIKE MOST MEMBERS OF
THE PUBLIC (AND I SAY THAT WITH THE GREATEST RESPECT)!
December 18 – JOHNATHAN
LEFTWINGER’S LATEST EAR-OPENING BROADCAST FOR RADIO 4! (if they want to
buy it)
The rest of the JOHNATHAN
LEFTWINGER RADIO ARCHIVE can be found towards the bottom of the page
PLUS RARE EXTRA (‘cos no Philistine wants a copy!) – A Drink With The
Programme’s Producer
Here
are some real gems. These are actual, genuine and authentic Johnathan
Leftwinger speeches. Radio and Television have been used for their true purpose
by this master of the Word, a true craftsman. Sadly, the recordings have not
sold very well, not at all as a matter of fact. How the Public have failed him
again! And I’m surprised the unbiased and non-partisan BBC turned down the
tapes!
Still,
despite the rarity of these recordings, Mr. Leftwinger has kindly let me use
them at the discount price of just £59.99 each! The price is usually £300
per-30 seconds (£600 to Tory types). So thus I’ve been truly honoured!
So,
download, listen and, above all, LEARN THE FACTS FROM A TRULY EXCELLENT AND
HONOURABLE BROADCASTER!
Faith_Healing_Thanks_to_Labour.mp3
Don’t countenance the fascism of Public Opinion – Do
as we say and THINK FOR YOURSELF IN AN UNBIASED AND SUPERIOR LIBERAL MANNER!
We know best mate!
HOME TO THE LEFT!